Saturday, November 14, 2009

This one is a little personal

Okay I don't or I guess hope a lot of people don't read my bolg because I'm about to get a little personal, I tend to feel better when I get my thought down and maybe someone reading this has felt the same way and can help me get through this or just give me some advice. 
(I really hope this isn't too personal) 

I have been married for about 2 1/2 months and it is a total adjustment, and I knew it would be, but it's a lot harder then I thought it would be. Kind of like my mission, I knew my mission was going to be hard but I had no idea it was going to be THAT hard. Anyway back to the present time. After being married I feel as if I'm being spread way to thin. Does anyone get what I mean? I love being married and I  love Cam so much, but I feel like I'm not giving my best to any part of my life. Now I don't want sympathy or anything I know I'm blessed and families all over the world would love to have the things I have but right now in Lori's world I'm having a hard time figuring out how exactly to be me. Now let me explain, for example school, for the last 4 semesters I have made it on the dean's list and received good grades, this semester I'm hanging on by the skin of my teeth, after coming home and attempting to do my homework my husband has the joy of being around his tired grumpy wife. I eat unhealthy, I never workout, I hardly can find time to read my scriptures and say my prayers, I know the last part is really sad coming from a return missionary that knows better. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!!!! I feel like I know what I need to do but the motivation to do it is not there!! I feel like the stress and busy life has taken out the fire and drive that I once had. Maybe everything isn't that bad and I'm just over re-acting or maybe in 15 years I will find my self weighing 345 pounds because I never found the motivation to get off my butt. I guess I'm scared that I will always be waiting for that motivation to come...but what if it never does? 

I look at my friends (and strangers) blogs and they seem like they have everything together and most of them have kids to add the balancing of life. Anyway this was a really personal blog and I kind of just put it out there for everyone to read but I think that it's okay to let people know that I'm not on my A game right now. I love my husband, I love my friends and family I just feel like I'm not giving the people in my life the Lori they deserve. Maybe some people read this and feel awkward and think I'm crazy but I feel the more I talk about it the more I can think and work through it. So I'm sorry if this wasn't the happy blissful blog that everyone was looking for and I will try to have one of those for you next time.   


  1. lori i feel the same way a lot!!!you should call me and we can talk. I love you

  2. Oh Lori! I wish I would have seen this sooner, you probably have it all figured out by now! I can't tell you how much I feel like that. Probably 75% of the time. and while it seems like everyone else around you has it together, they don't! Blogs are deceitful! heck, I don't even have it together enough to write on my blog! we just had a lesson on this in Relief Society, how easy it is to get unbalanced and keeping everything in our lives balanced is difficult. it's hard to be wife Lori, daughter Lori, school Lori, work Lori, friend Lori etc! I totally understand. The good part about having a husband though is, that they still love the grumpy tired wife and understand! they will see you at your worst unfortunately, but they'll see you at your best also. I think that's part of what makes that relationship so special is it's total acceptance:) Plus some days he might be the strong one, and other days you'll be his strength! Have you ever had that object lesson before at church where you pour rice in a jar which is the less important things you have to do and then the big important things (rocks) won't fit? but then if you put the rocks in first, things like Prayer, etc, the rice pours in and fits in all the cracks? cheesy but it works. seriously, some things may slide a little bit but at one point I realized that if I got a c in some class that wouldn't matter to my Father in Heaven as long as I was honest and doing the best I could with what I had. Pray and do the important things and ask Heavenly Father to guide you and help you and give you extra strength. one day you'll feel better! you prob already know all this but this is just as much a reminder for me as for you! Call me anytime. I hope we both have enough time to play soon:) I love you. Lots. Sorry this is so long! haha

  3. Lori, this is your dear friend Emily.
    Don't compare yourself to other people's blogs. No one's life is perfect and has everthing together. Blogs and facebook are for people to show all the good things in life usually leaving out all the bad stuff, therefore a deception is created. Don't get to discouraged, i know im not married but i have the same stressed out feelings of being spread too thin. I love you and don't be discouraged. No one is perfect and no one expects you to be perfect. Everything will get better with time. Just remember to do the small simple things (sunday school answers). You will find the help you need if you keep trying and doing your best. The lord will make up the rest. I love you so much and can't wait to see you soon!