Sunday, September 4, 2011

LIFE... it's kind of hard

Why is it that I always feel inspired to post when I'm down in the dumps? My posterity is going to think I was the most depressing person in the entire world. In reality do I have anything to truly be down about? No. I have a husband that is deeply in love with me and supports me and only wants me to be happy, I have friends that are way better then your friends and I have a family that somehow is perfect for me, not to mention I have the gospel in my life, which in reality saves me daily. But here I am going through a rough path and for some reason letting the cyber world read about it( in reality I think four people ready my blog, so... sorry about the exaggeration.) Yesterday I quite my job, I was shocked that I had the guts to do it. I have been working as an assistant for almost 6 months, and in general the job was pretty great, they gave me an iphone and paid my phone bill, gave my a brand new mac laptop and the pay was pretty good, I should have been happy, right? Well I wasn't, I tried to pretend I was happy, for those of you that know me, you know that this is my fourth job in a year and I hate that I can't find where I belong. Anyway, I wasn't happy, my boss was extremely hard on me and my hours ranged from about 50-60 hours a week, it seemed I could rarely do anything right in her eyes and it was starting to weigh on my heavily. I found myself having minor anxiety attacks or panic attacks, afraid that I had "messed up" again. I finally reached a breaking point, yesterday was my two year anniversary, Cam and I had plans to go up to a cabin and relax for the night, I was excited to spend time with him. Right before we left I checked my work email (bad idea) I found an email from my boss informing me about all the mistakes I had made and that they were just down right unacceptable. Now this story is getting long, but if I told you what I did that was so "unacceptable" you would probably laugh. Well, I drove up to my place of work gave her my cell phone, my keys, and my laptop and told her I couldn't work for her anymore. my hands were shaking I was so nervous/angry I have never quite a job without giving a two week notice and making sure I left on good terms, but I knew it wasn't going to end good this time. So here I am now jobless, it's a really weird feeling, but I know what I did was right. I hope I can find where I am supposed to be and it's hard being almost 27 and still trying to figure it out but I know I have to depend on the Lords help and I feel that maybe that is way I'm going through this right now. Everything somehow always works out and I just pray I can take this experience and learn from it.