LIFE... it's kind of hard

Why is it that I always feel inspired to post when I'm down in the dumps? My posterity is going to think I was the most depressing person in the entire world. In reality do I have anything to truly be down about? No. I have a husband that is deeply in love with me and supports me and only wants me to be happy, I have friends that are way better then your friends and I have a family that somehow is perfect for me, not to mention I have the gospel in my life, which in reality saves me daily. But here I am going through a rough path and for some reason letting the cyber world read about it( in reality I think four people ready my blog, so... sorry about the exaggeration.) Yesterday I quite my job, I was shocked that I had the guts to do it. I have been working as an assistant for almost 6 months, and in general the job was pretty great, they gave me an iphone and paid my phone bill, gave my a brand new mac laptop and the pay was pretty good, I should have been happy, right? Well I wasn't, I tried to pretend I was happy, for those of you that know me, you know that this is my fourth job in a year and I hate that I can't find where I belong. Anyway, I wasn't happy, my boss was extremely hard on me and my hours ranged from about 50-60 hours a week, it seemed I could rarely do anything right in her eyes and it was starting to weigh on my heavily. I found myself having minor anxiety attacks or panic attacks, afraid that I had "messed up" again. I finally reached a breaking point, yesterday was my two year anniversary, Cam and I had plans to go up to a cabin and relax for the night, I was excited to spend time with him. Right before we left I checked my work email (bad idea) I found an email from my boss informing me about all the mistakes I had made and that they were just down right unacceptable. Now this story is getting long, but if I told you what I did that was so "unacceptable" you would probably laugh. Well, I drove up to my place of work gave her my cell phone, my keys, and my laptop and told her I couldn't work for her anymore. my hands were shaking I was so nervous/angry I have never quite a job without giving a two week notice and making sure I left on good terms, but I knew it wasn't going to end good this time. So here I am now jobless, it's a really weird feeling, but I know what I did was right. I hope I can find where I am supposed to be and it's hard being almost 27 and still trying to figure it out but I know I have to depend on the Lords help and I feel that maybe that is way I'm going through this right now. Everything somehow always works out and I just pray I can take this experience and learn from it.

My Ladies

I was inspired my one of my ladies, Jade, to blog about all my ladies. I have been friends with these amazing women for a long time. They have carried me though the hard times, made me laugh so hard that I pee a little, and continually inspire and motivate me to be better. After I spend time with them I always go to bed thinking how lucky I am to have them in my life.

As my ladies know, I LOVE strolling down memory lane, so I'm going to take this time and write some of my favorite memories down so I can always have them

(and so other people can know how cool we are)

The Mother Ship, my senior year in high school I think I spent everyday of my christmas break at Emily's house, even Christmas eve and Christmas day, hence the mother ship. I Cherish the time I spent at the Lott house. Going to dances together. Sitting next to the Garbage can at Lunch. Not going to seminary opps.

Living at Parkway Crossing with my ladies was amazing, I learned so much and I have NEVER laughed so hard, hours and hours of The O.C. A few random E.R. trips, an awesome trip to Lake Powell, hanging out at the Olive Garden, jumping in the pool with our clothes on, the farewell party, one too many trips to ihop, and hundreds and hundreds of late night talks

Kellee, Lara, Emily, Jaclyn, and Jade you are AMAZING. I love you girls, and I can't wait for the new memories. I know it doesn't get more cheesy then this but I think it's important to let the people in your life know how much they are loved and appreciated.

Going Forward!!!

I didn't want to post this until everything was final and the ink was dry but Cam and I are just one step away to getting our new house!! We have been approved for the loan, the inspection is over and now we just need to get the appraisal finished and we will be moving in two weeks!!!.

For those of you that have gone through buying a house you can understand the emotional stress that is involved. This is the fourth house we have put on offer on and the second one that we have been under contract with. The first two houses, we were out bid. The third house, which was SO SO cute turned out to once have been a meth house and I just couldn't move forward knowing what kind of evil stuff had happened under that roof.

This house, the fourth house, was found by my very good friend Jade on KSL.com (love that site) and everything has really been falling into place. I just hope it all continues to work out, because if it doesn't Cam and I will have no place to live and I will cry ;)

Okay I really want to post pictures but my computer is being STUPID so tune in next time and I will have pics for you!

I'm back... for now

Okay, so it has been over a year, 13 months to be exact, and I'm going to try this whole blogging thing again. As of right now I don't really have much to blog about, Christmas was fun, New Years was good, life is moving forward.

Cam and I are house hunting right now, we have to be out of the house we are renting by March which means we don't have a lot of time. We put an offer on a house on Saturday, this is the third offer we have put on a house, we will find out tomorrow at 5:00, I really hope this works out.

2010 was a pretty good year for Cam and I and I'm

thinking that 2011 is going to be even better.

(one of my new years resolutions is to be more positive, the above picture is me being positive!! he he).

Wilbur

Merry Christmas time!!! It's our first Christmas together as a married couple and I feel it's important to start off on the right foot. Cam bought out christmas tree last night while I was work and got it all set up. So I though I would get the lights on it while he is at work. I know you don't have to say it, I'm a great wife! I wanted to take this time to introduce you to my tree Cam named him Wilbur, I felt that our tree was a girl but I guess with the name Wilbur our tree is a boy. After 400 lights and about three hours of stringing those 400 lights here is our tall, full, beautiful tree and look we already have gifts under the tree. Tis the season.

Okay so I should be honest I only wish our tree could be that first one. This is the real Wilbur. we really wanted a real tree but man those things are expensive. Not to mention our our little basement apartment is kind of small so we had to get a short tree but we still love it because it is our first tree and I will have to look at it everyday for 21 days so I better love it! Merry Christmas everyone and I hope your tree looks better then mine.

This one is a little personal

Okay I don't or I guess hope a lot of people don't read my bolg because I'm about to get a little personal, I tend to feel better when I get my thought down and maybe someone reading this has felt the same way and can help me get through this or just give me some advice. 

(I really hope this isn't too personal) 

I have been married for about 2 1/2 months and it is a total adjustment, and I knew it would be, but it's a lot harder then I thought it would be. Kind of like my mission, I knew my mission was going to be hard but I had no idea it was going to be THAT hard. Anyway back to the present time. After being married I feel as if I'm being spread way to thin. Does anyone get what I mean? I love being married and I  love Cam so much, but I feel like I'm not giving my best to any part of my life. Now I don't want sympathy or anything I know I'm blessed and families all over the world would love to have the things I have but right now in Lori's world I'm having a hard time figuring out how exactly to be me. Now let me explain, for example school, for the last 4 semesters I have made it on the dean's list and received good grades, this semester I'm hanging on by the skin of my teeth, after coming home and attempting to do my homework my husband has the joy of being around his tired grumpy wife. I eat unhealthy, I never workout, I hardly can find time to read my scriptures and say my prayers, I know the last part is really sad coming from a return missionary that knows better. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!!!! I feel like I know what I need to do but the motivation to do it is not there!! I feel like the stress and busy life has taken out the fire and drive that I once had. Maybe everything isn't that bad and I'm just over re-acting or maybe in 15 years I will find my self weighing 345 pounds because I never found the motivation to get off my butt. I guess I'm scared that I will always be waiting for that motivation to come...but what if it never does? 

I look at my friends (and strangers) blogs and they seem like they have everything together and most of them have kids to add the balancing of life. Anyway this was a really personal blog and I kind of just put it out there for everyone to read but I think that it's okay to let people know that I'm not on my A game right now. I love my husband, I love my friends and family I just feel like I'm not giving the people in my life the Lori they deserve. Maybe some people read this and feel awkward and think I'm crazy but I feel the more I talk about it the more I can think and work through it. So I'm sorry if this wasn't the happy blissful blog that everyone was looking for and I will try to have one of those for you next time.   

It must be that time of year.... yep you guessed it summer is over and it is time to buy my annual sweatshirt which will probably be worn almost ever night. It also is time for the cold season, it started with my mom who then got me sick I then got my husband sick and I'm sure Kodi will be sick before the week is over. I have a favorite season and it is summer!!! I love the hot air I love being able to do so much outside, but i hate when summer is over. There is only one thing that can turn my frown upside down, any guesses? 

My programs!!!! We have Biggest Loser on Tuesdays @ 7, on Wednesday and Thursday we have So You Think You Can Dance, on Thursday we also have Grey's. So even though at the curent moment I don't have T.V. at my house I have the support of friends that DVR everything for me so I don't miss a step on the dance floor, a pound off the scale, or the drama in the hospital. So to those of you that need to find me please feel free to call anytime... EXCEPT when my programs are on, I will not answer. Happy T.V. watching to you all!!